Last Day.

So today I've decided I'm going to write my journal, because I kind of need to vent out my thoughts, etc. This year is now almost over, and today, I spent the day reflecting on events that happened to me. I get that people probably don't want to be reading the 'story of my life', because frankly, it just might be a bit boring. So anyway, these couple of days have been a bit hard for me, for various, personal reasons that I won't disclose in this public journal. Today I learned some stuff that's been going on in the family from my mom, and I realized that this would impact me a lot. I gave it a lot of thought, and used a lot of my time to think about me, my life, and my future. Also, through reading my current book, the Count of Monte Cristo, I've learned a lot about 'perspectives'. The book touches a lot on philosophy, and a lot about emotions. Somehow, right at this moment, I feel that at times I can relate to the protagonist of the story. My parents also gave me a talk on my attitude to school, work, and life. All these kind of linked up, and I realize that if I want to fix the problems, and succeed in life, I'm going to have to change a lot on my attitude and perspectives in different things. For the past 15 years I've been fortunate enough to be born in a family where I basically have no worries in anything serious. It wasn't that I took things for granted, because I understood how fortunate I was, it was more like I didn't think anything would happen that would put me in a difficult situation. So anyway, now that I'm in highschool, I realize that life is more serious than facebook, the internet, etc. I also realize that I have to take things more seriously and can't just expect everything to turn out the way I planned, like it did for the past 15 years. So my new year resolution this time, is to push myself more, and push myself to the limit, where I know I can go. I'm  not expecting like a dramatic change next morning suddenly, like I wake up, and suddenly I'm a whole better person. It will take time, but I'm willing to commit to it. I'm going to embrace 2012 with a new attitude.

Fathers.

So today, I decided to write a journal although I already 'struck-out'. Today's topic is on how much I love my parents and my family. I realize that there are times when I get mad at them, or they get mad at me, and I wished I didn't have parents. But right now, at this moment, I am forever grateful. You know how sometimes in a day, you encounter a certain topic many times in just that one day. Well, when that happens to me, I consider it as my 'lesson of the day'. So today, my 'lesson' was on how fathers are important. Last Friday, my dad came back from Belgium. My mom, brother, and dad all kept it a secret from me. Originally, I thought he was coming back the coming Friday, but he came back a week earlier than I expected. So when I saw him last Friday, I was so happy I actually started crying. He came back at just the right time. I was stressed about my SATs so I'm glad to have had my dad with me during my stressful moments. So anyway, today, my friend sent me a youtube link of a video about life insurance, and although it was an advertisement, it was a really touching one. It was on how a father was dying, and he was making a video for a daughter (who was maybe about 6 at the time) and told her in the video that he was playing 'hide-and-seek' with her, and how this time, the game is going to be longer. Anyways, the video was really touching. It brought me to tears. I think it brought a LOT of people to tears, because later on, I saw the video on the news channel. Apparently, it has already reached 80,000 views or something. Then, when I was doing homework, I was listening to music, and 'Hurt' by Christina Aguilera came up. It's about how she lost her dad and how she's sorry for everything. So basically, today, a lot about 'being grateful for your father' subjects came up. So it's my lesson of the day. I love my dad. :')

Today. December 6.

I realize that I've already missed three journals (probably four now). But I feel like writing a journal today anyways. So today was in general an "OK" day. Yesterday, I had a quite a lot of homework, so I went to bed quite late. Before class started, I went to check my PSAT score. Although I got quite a high score, I actually dropped 3 points from the practice test. That makes me kind of annoyed and sad. I knew that I didn't do as well as in the practice test, but still. Dropping down 3 points is 30 points by SAT marking systems. So my final score actually means its a worse score than my SAT practice tests. This makes me worried about my SAT score. PSATs are supposed to be easier... right? Anyway, although it is a pretty high score compared to the rest of the school, I'm still kind of annoyed. There are more people who got a higher score than me this time, but they're all in higher grades than me. Still. I wanted to get a higher score. Geometry was alright this morning. I'm really happy about my test score in the chapter test though. Chemistry is kind of hard as usual, and the teacher is assigning a LOT of homework as usual. I'm going to be having a FUN (sarcasm) week I bet with all the chemistry homework. In musical production class we practiced another scene, I was in charge of taking pictures with one of my friends. I can't seem to get good pictures though. But somehow, my friend can capture amazing pictures. Then in MUN class I almost fell asleep when we were talking about political systems. In orchestra I was really glad because I thought I played quite well today. So tonight when I was doing homework I listened to many songs. I love listening to music when I'm doing homework. I listened to songs for example: talking to the moon, the one that got away, count on me, etc. Then I also listened to this internet meme, the "Trolololol man". It's hilarious. Now, I'm listening to Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu, which is one of the pieces I'm going to master before I die, when I find time. It's one of my absolute favorite pieces ever, and I WILL be playing it one day. I literally can't stop listening to it.

TODAY!!

Today, in general is a GREAT DAY!!! Although today is an amazing day, I've still got worries in my head. I feel heavy when I think of it, and it makes me depressed, so I try not to think about it. Anyway, first off, about TODAY. So today I had to wear a shirt, a skirt, and a tie (I didn't actually wear my tie for long haha) because of a 'tradition' of the girls basketball team where we wear formal stuff on the day we have a game. So yeah it was kind of embarrassing being the only people to wear formal stuff with everyone staring. But oh well. Then at lunch, we bombarded a friend of ours because it was her birthday. It was actually pretty amazing. We made a fake cake out of shaving cream and smashed it onto her. Then we each had an individual plate of shaving cream and rubbed it on her. It was really fun, until she started attacking us too. So in the end, we've all got shaving cream on us.Then we made her wear this really sexy dress and super high high-heels. It was really fun. Then the rest of the day wasn't as fun until school ended. By the way, our team chant for the yellow team isn't very good, to be hones. Our chant includes a heck lot of 'gobbles'. And you know what else makes gobbling sounds? Turkeys. So anyway after school, we went to our basketball game. It's my first ever game, so I was really nervous. I'm SO glad and happy because I was put in the starting five, but only because one of the members weren't there. Still. It's an achievement because atleast our coach chose me yayyy. I thought the game was quite good, though we lost. We showed great improvements though. I'm so glad. When I got home, I crashed onto the sofa and started sleeping. So yeah, now after thinking about today's awesomeness, I'm now dragged back to reality. Sometimes I hate reality. But who doesn't? But still, today in World History class we learned about 'gratitude'. I'm not saying that I'm feeling 'ingratitude'. I'm saying that I don't like thinking about what's coming this weeked. So anyway this weekend we have our SAT test. This score goes on my official record, I think. So like the future people looking at my college app can see it. I'm in really big pressure now, I could cry any moment.Sometimes I feel like people expect a lot out of me, and in truth, I'm not that good. I don't know why they think so much, because I'm really not that prepared and stuff. Then there's sports day. I don't want to disappoint my team. I want to win. I'm really stressed now. Like really, really stressed. I'm feeling sick, and tired, and I feel like really panicky. I'm trying to take my mind off it, but I know I have to face it anyway. I don't know what to do.